Elisabeth, a 34-year-old lawyer, decided to try online dating by signing up for OkCupid in May 2014. She didn’t expect much from it because she knew that online dating could be difficult, especially for women who are overweight.

Her law school friend, who was newly divorced and starting to date again, encouraged Elisabeth and two other former bridesmaids to join her in signing up for the dating site. In a show of support, Elisabeth agreed.

In her previous attempts at online dating, Elisabeth had always presented a polished and carefully curated version of herself, but this approach hadn’t been successful. So, this time, she decided to create an “obnoxious version” of herself for her profile.

She chose to highlight her quirks and be honest about her flaws. She included photos of herself with her cat and made it clear that she was unapologetically fat, mentioning her dress size (between XL and 2XL) and pants size (between 16 and 20).

Elisabeth understood the challenges that came with being a fat woman on a dating site. In her profile, she talked about the “mind trap” that many women fall into when selecting photos for their profiles. With the right angles, lighting, makeup, and clothing, it’s possible to appear slimmer in photos.